Perfectionism Versus Creativity

Somewhere between 12 midnight and 1 AM, as I lay awake in a "more than 4 glass of wine mind surge" , a massive penny dropped into my consciousness.

"Perfectionism is getting in the way of me moving forward."

I am not sure what stirred it up or cleared the muddy water so that is was visible, perhaps it was the insightful hypnosis session I had on Wednesday which gathered it from my subconscious and drove it slowly over to my conscious mind, I'm not sure. I know where the thought originated though, it was planted by a wonderful teacher whose class I am taking right now. In her class we are exploring Personal Path, the journey beyond personal foundation. This Personal Path represents a level of living which can only be accomplished completely when we have gotten clear of the past, satisfied our unmet needs in healthy ways and uncovered and began to orient our lives around who we truly are. At the beginning of the class the teacher asked us all to revisit the personal foundation program and to see where we might need to tighten it up before we began. I snorted in frustration and when prompted shared that I had been doing it for three years and still had not completed it. Others in the class sympathized and we were told that personal foundation was a spiral and a life long process. This information did not appease me though. When I first found the personal foundation program I dived into it feet first and ran all through it lesson after lesson like a kid in a candy store. I picked up a tootsie roll, ran over to the bon-bons, sucked on some sherbet and chewed on some liquorice. That tactic left me with none of the lessons finished. Every time I start I never finish and as I continued to share this with the class the teacher inquired if "there was a little perfectionism going on here". I stopped dead in my tracks, perfectionism, no, then I gave it a second thought and have been chewing on it ever since, for almost three weeks in fact until 12 midnight last night.

That is when the penny dropped. My definition of perfectionism had caused the cloudiness but over the last few weeks I suppose my subconscious had been working at the lock slowly until it burst open last night. For me perfectionism meant, to be perfect, to have everything in order, almost O.C. D. What I now realize is that perfectionism is a lot like creativity. It is about a busy and creative mind over complicating things. I then stepped back and saw all the places I have and am doing this, which are making it impossible for me to move forward. Nothing is simple with me, but it is not because I want it to be perfect, well at least that is not the way I saw it in the past, it is because I have such BIG plans. I cannot possibly perform such BIG plans all at once. You might compare this to doing too much, an aha moment I had a few years ago, but there is most definitely a destinction between the two. The bigness and creativity behind every idea I have, sets me up from the beginning to fail. It is the seed behind the "doing too much" it is the force that puts it in motion.

As I realized all this excitedly and reflect on all the BIG things I was currently undertaking I saw the solution, I saw that simplicity was the answer. At that moment I once again saw my present as perfect, I realized the more than four glass of wine mind torture had been a necessary tool in unlocking this mystery and I saw from another side, the zen of red wine.

Cleaning Before the Maid Comes

Life has been pretty hectic the last few days. I have been focused on a speaking engagement and launching some new groups and my world has revolved around that and that alone. Out the window went my meditation schedule, eating well, and in came RED WINE... to the rescue!

There was a small part of me that didn't forget about pure indulgence and my quest for the zen of red wine, that part was my mind. Picture my mind as a huge town hall. The hall is a bustle of activity, 6 ft tables are laid out with worker bees putting things together in an assembly line. Someone very important stands on the stage and a crowd gathers to hear what he has to say. Way, way at the back of the room, someone stands quietly and politely saying "excuse me", "excuse me". It's consistent and once in a while the crowd acknowledges the person at the back of the room, "Yes". Given the opportunity the small voice replies "we need to meditate to centre us and bring the calmness back into our lives, we need to get back into schedule so we can take time to nourish ourselves, we need to exercise to build up our strength and.....". "Yes, yes, yes" the man at the front replies, "we will do it later, right now we are doing something very important and we don't have time for that".

Last week the person at the back of the room picked up the phone and called in the cavalry. Since then they have been pondering how best to utilize the cavalry when they arrive. I have an appointment with a hypnotherapist on Wednesday, tomorrow. My hope is that she can help me to keep the crowd at the town hall in order. In preparation today, I meditate again, the first time in at least a week. Last night I cleared off my work area and am enjoying a sense of calm in my environment again. Today I will eat well and review my schedule and hopefully I will discover a gap for yoga or pilates. All of this reminds me of cleaning before the maid comes. I know I can do a lot of this stuff, I want the maid to be able to do her job and so I need to clear the path so she can get her vacuum cleaner in and dust.

Living in an Alternate Universe Where Red Wine No Longer Exists?

I know I'm getting a little far our here but bare with me. Last week was a huge challenge for me, on one hand I had a very productive work week but on the other my self care went down the toilet and with it my joy, peace, calm and pure indulgence. Yesterday, Sunday, I sat filling out the prep form for my session with my coach today (Monday) and began rallying up my self care. I acknowledged all that I had accomplished and vowed to hit the gym on Monday. Mission accomplished, I got back in the saddle, literally, I like to go to spinning. But boy was it hard work, part of me thinks I had a dud bike today and the other part of me says "stop whining and get on with it, your out of shape", I'm giving them both equal time and the jury is out right now and whose right.

As I struggled to get the pedals to keep moving, one of my favorite songs came on, Fighter by Christina Aquiliera. Did that make pedaling easier? NO, but it brought to mind a lesson I was working on today in one of my continuing education classes for coaching. I suddenly saw the connection between red wine and the lesson, which focuses on the present being perfect, as it is right now. As Christina belted out "makes me that much stronger, makes me that much wiser, thanks for making me a fighter" I saw the connection, but damn it sure is a pain in the ass being a fighter some times. I pushed through the song and another and made it through the class.

Seeing the present as perfect darted in and out of my consciousness peppered with "why me" and "help" until I turned the corner (wow didn't see the metaphor before) onto Huntington Drive on my way home. That's when it hit me

What if red wine did not exist, or any alcohol for that matter? A sense of excitement came over me. It amazes me the shifts that can takes place when we change our thoughts. When I think of the idea of never drinking red wine again I have a sense of loss, of deprivation but if it does not exist that all goes away.

I am sure I am not the only one Christina is singing too. Many people struggle with challenges in their life; money, relationships, sex , chocolate to hit on some of the big ones, but what if these things didn't exist or more specifically we were to act "as if" they did not exist. Definitely food for thought.

Back to the Balls...

I talked a few days ago about the importance of knowing how many balls you can juggle consistently. Since then... I have been dropping balls all over the place. Some of them rolled across the living floor and went thump, thump, thump down the stairs, some of them rolled way in to the corner and joined the dust bunnies and some of them just lay smack bang in the middle of the living room floor. I always have one ball in the air, now I would like to add in the rest to see what is optimum or to explore if one ball is all I can juggle. Before we explore all that lets take away the mystery and identify the balls:

1. 6:30 AM morning meditation
2. 8:30 PM evening meditation
3. Transitional activity (5:30 PM from work to play time)
4. Marketing my upcoming events
5. Spinning 2-3 times per week (Mon, Wed, Sat)
6. Yoga/Pilates/Stretching 1 -2 times per week
7. Focusing on strategy 25 steps to expanding my biz
8. My group Momentum (teleconferences, newsletter, events)
9. Breaking Thru to Success - 90 day program (promoting and running)
10. Women's Success Circles - (promoting and running)
11. Personal foundation Sundays and regularly check in with progress
12. Speaking and booking speaking
13. Blogging
14. Systems for my biz
15. Business expenses and budgeting

15 balls and I am sure there are a few laying around I forgot. Out of all these balls which ones am I consistent with 90 % of the time?

• Blogging

Hmmm... I think it is time to prioritize. What are the next three balls I would like to be consistent with in order of importance?

1. 6:30 AM morning mediation
2. Transitional activity (5:30 PM from work to play time)
3. Spinning 2-3 times per week (Mon, Wed, Sat)

Steps to picking them up

• Set alarm clock
• Review work schedule and identify where it ends
• Make a list of transitional activities
• Plan B and C for optimum spinning schedule
• Put out clothes the night before
• Go to bed at 10 PM

I am also going to create a chart to track my juggling and review it daily.

If I Had a Magic Wand...

I run a group called "Artistic Women Inspiring Artistic Women" and we meet once a month. It is an amazing group of women and the synergy and inspiration I get from every meeting is priceless. This month I have a wonderful lady coming who is a hypnotherapist, she is going to do a guided visualization with us and then a short one on one session with one of the participants. I am intrigued, although I know nothing about the area of hypnotherapy. Accessing the mind and the different areas of the mind, logical and creative, to me is extremely creative.

The last few days I have been pondering the question

"If I could wave a magic wand and have whatever I wanted around pure indulgence and red wine, what would I want?"

It is easy to answer what you want if we are talking about dinner or what to wear, well most of the time anyway. What kind of car we want or purchasing a home might take us a little longer to decide but it is a tangible thing that eventually we can clearly state and therefore find, or find something close to our specifications and choose to make some compromises. The intangibles, the things we cannot touch, taste or smell are a little trickier.

When I work with clients the first thing we do at the top of the call is define "What do you want to focus on today?" Sometimes we may spend almost the whole call exploring and answering this question while others the clients comes ready to answer it immediately. In life knowing what we want is key for us to attaining it. If we cannot wrap our arms, or at least our head around what we want how d0 we know where to find it? How do we know when we have found or attain it?

In my quest for pure indulgence is red wine part of the equation? If so in what capacity? I defiantly see the see-saw of wine and pure indulgence, it is a delicate balance. Too much red wine send the see-saw up in the air squishing pure indulgence. Does too much pure indulgence send the see-saw in the other direction squishing red wine? I think it does, but is that what I want?

If I had a magic wand and Melany the hypnotherapist could wave it what would I want?

• Never to touch red wine again?
• No more than two glasses at one time?
• I might want to use the standard set in the clean sweep program of 2 glasses per week.
• Not while watching TV
• Only enjoying for it's own sake, being mindful and not doing anything at all while I enjoy it?
• Only when I go out?
• Never before 8:30 PM?

Or would my wish for the magic wand be around what I do want?

• In bed by 10:30 PM
• Meditate every night at 8 PM
• Have a cup of herbal tea every night before I go to bed
• Start my bedtime routine at 9 PM every night

The whole idea of getting what you want is a little scary too. By making a decision what might you miss out on? Do I truly never want to have a drink again and miss out on indulging at birthday celebrations or enjoy one glass of wine and a square of chocolate. If I never drink before 8:30 PM does that mean I never get to enjoy another champagne brunch? Actually I never have red wine at brunch so that option is looking a little more appealing. What this is all turning into now is a discussion around boundaries. What are my boundaries? Perhaps it is a combinations of wishes / boundaries that put together make the ideal situation. Maybe it's a combination of not before 8:30 PM and starting my bed time routine at 9:30 PM? The next question of course is does never mean never? If I cross that boundary what are the consequences, what situation would be OK to cross the boundaries?

A wonderful therapist I know describes boundaries as fences around our houses with a gate which we control, enabling us to let people in and out at our discretion. Perhaps in the case of addiction, did I really use that word! The problem is with the gate keeper.

One Ball Up, One Ball Down - Learning How to Juggle

Again and again clients come to me with the same dilemma, how can I do it all. My response is how many balls can you juggle consistently? As I gathered my new ball of expanding my business I seemed to have picked up an old familiar hitch hiker, red wine.

Saturday night I indulged in two wonderful glasses of red wine and a square of dark chocolate. I had been busy de-cluttering the dogie area and feeling satisfied that it was spic and span I put on my new Tori Amos CD, lit some candles and enjoyed the indulgence of it all.

Sunday I had a wonderful day going to temple and then we did our big monthly shop requiring two shopping carts! With my need for full cupboards satiated and an abundance of food my dad arrived for dinner. I started out with the intention of water and perhaps some pomegranate juice but my will was weak and before I knew I was sitting chatting on the deck glass after glass of wine in hand.

Monday I launched a new Success Circle. 8 wonderful women showed up and the evening was a huge success. At 10 PM I arrived home with one glass of wine and a square of chocolate firmly in mind, by midnight I had a bottle of red under my belt.

My preoccupation with expanding my business and the energy involve, physically and mentally has caused me to drop my pure indulgence ball. Working on the menu, check in sheet, agenda etc has taken the space reserved for meditation, unwinding and reading, my new read wine. I have hardly picked up a book in 2 days!

Today I fully intend to pick up the ball. With all this reshuffling and chaos of Kirk being laid off I need the stability of schedule to anchor me once again. I am returning to the "ideal day" drawing board.

Designing you ideal day is a wonderful tool to discover new and rediscover old habits and routines. It's an opportunity to:

• Dream a little, don't restrict yourself with time, money or any of the commitments you have right now.
• Create an ideal schedule full of things that make your mouth water, that enthuse you and give you life.
• Then after you have given yourself free reign take some time to picture yourself and visualize yourself enjoying your new schedule.
• It's great to post it or put it up in a prominent place as a reminder where you are heading.
• Then begin to bring in little pieces of your ideal schedule into today.
• At first it may be a 5 minute walk instead of a 90 minute hike every day.

You may have to make some compromises but use challenges as a stimulus to be creative and come up with creative ways to bring the essence of your ideal schedule into you life now. If you long for a chauffeur and a limousine to take you to your appointments perhaps while you are waiting for the abundance to arrive you could utilize a different kind of chauffeur a bus or the train. Get to the bottom of what you are looking for, in the above situation the important factor may be that you don't want to drive not that you want to travel in style. What you will undoubtedly find is that it is the little things that mean the most to us, that feed us. There may be some high ticket items involved but the things with staying power tend to the little things, champagne and caviar get old after a while but moms apple pie never does.

The Smell of Change

Hmm the smell of change is in the air as I embrace the moving of my cheese. I am on day 35 of my 100 day challenge and am enjoying immensely the fruits of my indulgent work. I am still blown away when I turn around to survey the road built from the last 35 days; if I squint I can vaguely see in the distance the red wine bottle left by the roadside, forgotten. I am not however spending a lot of time looking back especially in light of the recent moving of the cheese.

After Kirk's lay off from work I decided to thrown another ball into the mix; to expand my business and support our family. I am extremely lucky to have at my fingertips resources for almost everything you could imagine. I dug into these looking for a strategy to expand my business and came up with "25 Steps to Filling Your Practice" courtesy of Thomas Leonard and coachville. So I will be using this as my anchor as I focus on expansion over the next 65 days.

• Step 1: Get your clean sweep score above 75

Clean sweep is a great way to take a snap shot of your life. It is comprised of 100 true/false questions which address money, home environment, physical well being and every area of your life. It had been a while since I had taken the clean sweep and I was extremely pleased to see an increase in my score but I am still below 75. So I reviewed the questions and came up with 14 things I coud do which would bring me well over 75.

1. Car - oil change, check-up, clean and vacuum and set up a system to do so on a regular basis.
2. Clean and organize the laundry room.
3. One last sweep of my closet removing any items I don't wear, don't fit or need fixing and set up a clothes swap with my friends.
4. De-clutter guest room and post items on freecycle.org
5. Get a new toaster.
6. Set up an ironing station.
7. Fine tune office and add inspiring quotes, cork board in coaching area and create client progress sheets.
8. Shop for and install new shelving in Sofie's room.
9. Floss daily.
10. Save 10% of income.
11. Co-create a financial independence plan with Kirk.
12. Be mindful of gossiping and talking about others.
13. Review my wants and needs and the needless program.
14. Clean and organize dogie area.
15. Buy a really good pair of sun glasses.

A lot of you are probably wondering what all this has to do with expanding my business, having a solid personal foundation is essential for growth. I have been diligently working on mine for the last 2 years and am noticing all the wonderful benefits. By taking care of and getting your personal life in order you free up your time, money and energy to focus on moving forward or simply enjoying what you have.

• Step 2: Make a list of 25 people you know and write 3 things you want for each of them.

I have made my list of 25 people and this weekend will be exploring what I want for each of them.

How will this new ball fit into the challenge?

Every night I will review the 25 steps and schedule activities for the next day around the steps. I will also do the same thing over the weekend to springboard me into next week.

Now the smell of change smells like bacon and even being a vegetarian I can appreciate and enjoy that wonderful aroma. Out house is full of love, warmth and we are extremely comfortable, I have an amazing husband and am thankful for the wonderful things in my life.

Coming Out of the Cocoon

The Cult plays in the background, it popped up on my ipod screaming to be played when I plugged it in this morning. When I listen to it the first thing that comes to mind is boy have I come a long way. 18 seems so far behind be, how appropriate a thought as I am in the process of shedding yet another skin and spreading my wings again. Revived, renewed and seriously excited about the next level I stood on my branch yesterday ready to fly when...

I got a huge nudge. Kirk got laid off yesterday, I knew it was coming, I was expecting it but not in a doom and gloom where screwed he's going to lose his job way. Instead in an excited, secret, it's time for me to expand my business sense. So now a kind of fear and guilt is lurking in the background. The universe is standing hands on hips, "OK you asked for it, here it is!".

So where does this leave me with my challenge? It is time to up the game. As the end of this month scatters behind me my stride has widened, my feet are firmly on the ground and it is time to throw another ball in the air. I feel extremely confident that indulgence is tucked tightly but I will not say firmly under my belt and last night I explored some of the tools available to me to expand my coaching business. I truly believe I needed this extra shove of the branch. I remember standing at the top of one of those never ending slides at the water park looking down terrified. The slide was so steep it dipped in and you literally flew down with the water, taking off can be scary but unlike getting in the water you cannot do it slowly inch by inch. Taking off requires system checks, a deep breathe, a big hard run giving it all that you got, throwing yourself off the cliff and then just relaxing and catching air, trusting all the time that all will be well. It is time for me to trust in the words "jump and the net will appear". Whew!

Now don't get me wrong, Zen has not gone by the roadside. Taking on this task without turning to my old friend red wine will be a wonderful test of my newly built foundation. I relish the challenge and today will focus on checking all my systems to make sure they are running perfectly ready for take-off. If you are a long for the ride get ride to fly first class.