Over the years and hundreds of introductory calls I have noticed that there seem to be two categories; the wanters and the doers. The wanters hang up with me after a complimentary session professing how much they would like to work with me and the doers say "yes" lets do this. For a long time I did not see this distinction, it was fogged up with the oh so well intentioned words of the "wanters". They even follow up with emails to "their next coach" and for a while they check-in to repeat their proclamation that we will work together soon. Now I don't think you are destined to either group for the rest of your life. Perhaps at different stages and in different situations we must switch membership to protect ourselves, I'm not sure. What I do know is that it is very hard to hang on to a want and it is much easier to stay focused when you are active and moving forward. After a while the inspiration, the lust, the spark of that first complimentary session wears off and is forgotten. Without the consistency it is easy to slip back into old habits and routines or perhaps even worse a new lust, a new shiny metal object. In the latter case you live jumping from shiny object to shiny object without ever landing anywhere. In life it is important to stand and take stock periodically, to stick with something to give it a chance and to have measurable standards so that you can learn what works and what doesn't and shift your strategy accordingly.
My clients, "the doers", amaze me with their progress, they stride forward and shift habits that have controlled them for years without even noticing. That's when I get to do one of my very important jobs, to applaud them, to send them off on a victory lap before they jump back into the race. The "wanters" tug at my heart strings. I bump into them and their intentions and they assure me that once they get this duck in line, or finish this project that they will be ready to work with me. I smile and hope that this is true, but as you have heard me say before hope is not an effective strategy for success. Life is about doing, if you are sitting in the stands with well intentions you are not in the game. I encourage you to, jump in the game, it's a lot of fun.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Ask
39 1/2 or 5 months or whatever fraction of a year, clicked into place last night. Like Sofie I felt the desire to slow down time and document it's progress. Kirk and I had always refused to go beyond whole or 1/2 once she turned one so I guess 39 1/2 it is. I picture the clock vividly but instead of going from 1 - 12 it goes from 1 - 40, mostly in increments of 1.
39 1/2 clicked into place with an intense desire to lose who I had become and go back to me. As a lay awake trying to send my shoulders into deep relaxation and failing miserable I realized what I was trying to lose was deeper than the 30 lbs of baby weight I first thought it was. It was more than losing the bloated, dishevelled, double chinned, crazy red headed, round bookworm glass wearing me that reflected back at me at me from the black screen of my laptop. As I lingered in between the relaxation, stumbling on my path for the zen of red wine, desperately trying to untangle the two things, I felt lost. My theme of forging my own path had now left me lost in a field knee high in mud, completely unaware of which direction to take. I could see no visible path and thank goodness, because for the first time all the bright shiny paths calling me and tugging me in every direction at once were gone.
Lost I pondered what to do, I consulted the map of relaxation of glimpses of peace and hoping for insight.
And finally...I asked.
What do I do where do I go. This place felt like home, it was comforting to throw up my arms and sit not knowing, to give myself over and not jump up and down like a child trying to guess the answer. In the calmness I saw the answer, as a coach I had been trying to find my path, my style, my unique way of communicating and in the quiet I found the answer. What came to me was to stop fighting myself, to embrace my creativity, what kind of 90 day coach am I? That is the question my coach left me with last week. I had left the question behind until last night when I picked it up briefly like a pair of dirty socks and then put it in the laundry basket not yet ready to clean them and then this morning I picked it up again, just this very second and owned it. Asking had brought me my answers, I am creative, I cannot fight that, I love technology and progress and crayons and spirituality. I realized a quiet peaceful moment of contemplation at the beginning of every session was the place to begin, more space for my clients, doing it now instead of adding to their to do list and when they are stuck instead of trying to give them possible answers to linger in the moment longer and even leave it hanging advising them to sit with themselves like I did last night and ask, ask the universe, their creative muse or their higher power but to give them the gift of asking and holding open space for them in the craziness to contemplate. I have always prided myself as holding open the space in peoples lives, now I see myself really walking that talk, really holding them in that peaceful place of the present and empowering them to linger there keeping the future and past at bay, to enjoy it briefly, to focus on it and to enjoy as it expands. I see myself as using structure to give them the freedom they desire, the freedom to make room to grow, to quiet the chatter and to hear the answers but mostly to give them the gift of asking.
39 1/2 clicked into place with an intense desire to lose who I had become and go back to me. As a lay awake trying to send my shoulders into deep relaxation and failing miserable I realized what I was trying to lose was deeper than the 30 lbs of baby weight I first thought it was. It was more than losing the bloated, dishevelled, double chinned, crazy red headed, round bookworm glass wearing me that reflected back at me at me from the black screen of my laptop. As I lingered in between the relaxation, stumbling on my path for the zen of red wine, desperately trying to untangle the two things, I felt lost. My theme of forging my own path had now left me lost in a field knee high in mud, completely unaware of which direction to take. I could see no visible path and thank goodness, because for the first time all the bright shiny paths calling me and tugging me in every direction at once were gone.
Lost I pondered what to do, I consulted the map of relaxation of glimpses of peace and hoping for insight.
And finally...I asked.
What do I do where do I go. This place felt like home, it was comforting to throw up my arms and sit not knowing, to give myself over and not jump up and down like a child trying to guess the answer. In the calmness I saw the answer, as a coach I had been trying to find my path, my style, my unique way of communicating and in the quiet I found the answer. What came to me was to stop fighting myself, to embrace my creativity, what kind of 90 day coach am I? That is the question my coach left me with last week. I had left the question behind until last night when I picked it up briefly like a pair of dirty socks and then put it in the laundry basket not yet ready to clean them and then this morning I picked it up again, just this very second and owned it. Asking had brought me my answers, I am creative, I cannot fight that, I love technology and progress and crayons and spirituality. I realized a quiet peaceful moment of contemplation at the beginning of every session was the place to begin, more space for my clients, doing it now instead of adding to their to do list and when they are stuck instead of trying to give them possible answers to linger in the moment longer and even leave it hanging advising them to sit with themselves like I did last night and ask, ask the universe, their creative muse or their higher power but to give them the gift of asking and holding open space for them in the craziness to contemplate. I have always prided myself as holding open the space in peoples lives, now I see myself really walking that talk, really holding them in that peaceful place of the present and empowering them to linger there keeping the future and past at bay, to enjoy it briefly, to focus on it and to enjoy as it expands. I see myself as using structure to give them the freedom they desire, the freedom to make room to grow, to quiet the chatter and to hear the answers but mostly to give them the gift of asking.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Do you launch or ejaculate?
There has been a lot of buzz about "launching" for a while now but I am currently taking a marketing class and in the third month we will be "launching".
Before when I heard this term I thought:
Before when I heard this term I thought:
- Oh another trend
- I know how to promote
- I don't need to launch
- I already know how to do that
- That's just for big companies
- I bet that has a hefty price tag
- I can do this alone
The class I'm in doesn't even get to the launch part until month three but I suppose the idea of it began stirring up my consciousness. Suddenly, as has been happening a lot recently, a realization dived into the forefront of my mind. "You don't launch you ejaculate." I stopped and pondered for a while, is that true? YES came back to me loud and clear.
I also realized I'm not alone, a lot of my clients suffer from premature ejaculation too. They spend a lot of time composing the perfect email and then proudly send it off into the webiverse and then...wait. Eventually becoming dispondent when noone responds or they don't get the response they had hoped for.
I am especially guilty because I have a lot of technical skills and can bang out a new workshop, podcast or group in a few minutes and have it up on the web. When I think of launch I think of a story unfolding, of anticipation and sharing, a big build up. In contrast my ejaculations seem quite sad. I have clear vision, strong strategies and take action but have been missing the boat, so to speak, on the launch. Look out, there is some champagne smashing on it way!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
What a Beautiful Day
I made a huge leap with my zen of red wine last night. I was napping on the couch, embarrassingly at 7:30 PM, I was exhausted and thought perhaps I was coming down with something. At 8:15 PM my client called to cancel and I must admit I was relived. Kirk came upstairs as I hung up the phone. "Do you want to sit outside and have a drink" tumbled out of my mouth. "Sure" he said in his usual accommodating way. He shuffled downstairs to turn off the computer and I saunter into the bathroom. It was there sitting on the white throne that the shift began. Recently I have been having hypnotherapy and as I sat there one of the tools popped into my head. The hypnotherapist had given me an acronym STOP to use when I had a craving for the zen of red wine. I stopped and paused on the toilet and then got up grabbed a glass of water and came over to the couch to continue my pause. On the way I shuffled through my desk for the paper with the acronym on it that she had given me. Stop and then think, OK. I thought about the craving popping into my mind and then sat and acknowledged it for a while noticing it coming in and out. By the time Kirk came back upstairs I realized I didn't need to sit outside and have a drink, I needed to go to bed. In the pause I had enabled myself to respond rather than react to my desire to "feel better". It was easy, natural and felt completely indulgent. Once downstairs I washed my face, brushed teeth and settled into some good reading..."Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I love my bedtime routine but when I listen to the siren of red wine calling I often just don't get to it. Night time routine is a springboard into the next day and oh what a beautiful day it is today.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
3 Day Work Week
I'm not sure where it came from but as I did my monthly taking stock and prioritizing "3 Day Work Week" arrived and sat like a taxi cab parked in my consciousness. It honked it's horn to declare it's arrival but only once, not in an obnoxious way. I pulled back the net curtain to look to see who was honking. Hmm "3 Day Work Week" is here I thought to myself and nodded; before I knew it I was sitting in the 3 day work week taxi looking out of the window and enjoying the view.
I started yesterday and it felt delicious. I love to work, I love tinkering with my web site like a car enthusiast on a Sunday morning, I love writing articles and of course I love speaking and working with clients. All this love has made me sloppy and unfocused. With an abundance of time and no boundaries I have been coming from the mentality that there is time to do everything that I want. Every new idea has a place but at the cost of success.
In a recent networking event the speaker shared a success formula which I have tweaked slightly and made it my own
I started yesterday and it felt delicious. I love to work, I love tinkering with my web site like a car enthusiast on a Sunday morning, I love writing articles and of course I love speaking and working with clients. All this love has made me sloppy and unfocused. With an abundance of time and no boundaries I have been coming from the mentality that there is time to do everything that I want. Every new idea has a place but at the cost of success.
In a recent networking event the speaker shared a success formula which I have tweaked slightly and made it my own
Passion + Vision + Consistent Action = Star Performer/Successful Business
By creating boundaries around my time with the three day work week I think I will be accelerating my ride to Star Performer.
I am already noticing a difference. In a three hour block between clients yesterday I banged out a whole bunch of projects which I would have indulged in before for a lot longer. The boundaries of the 3 day work week keep me simple, focused and stop me from over complicating things which if you've read Creativity Versus Perfectionism you will know is my gift and my challenge. I am also looking forward to four days off which will renew, refresh and re-calibrate me ready for the next 3 day work week.
Friday, May 1, 2009
The Delicate Balance of Life
Just like the world has a delicate Eco system, so do we. I was reminded of that at 3 AM on Tuesday night. I was lay awake, my mind busy going through all the files in my mind de-fragmenting and doing maintaince like my computer. Suddenly at 3 AM it hit upon the file entitled, comfy peaceful place of pure indulgence, green couch. For those who have been following me about a six weeks ago I moved my couch into the dining room and it fell into place like the last piece of a jigsaw. I sat on it and a feeling of calmness and peace trickled though my body. That reminds me my husband bet at the time it wouldn't stay here two weeks, I need to collect on that! Anyway for two wonderful weeks I enjoyed the couch. In the evenings I lit candles and incense and sat relaxing listening to music and reading in pure indulgence on it. Then...
My old laptop had lost it's ability to connect wirelessly. I had been patiently waiting it's arrival and eagerly sat on my peaceful, indulgent couch installing scrap booking factory deluxe, ACT and all the files on my external hard drive onto it. Day after day I sat, comfy legs outstretched on the indulgent couch. I sat on it and blogged my heart out, created flyer's to hand out at a fundraiser I was supporting, wrote speeches and answered emails. About a week ago I began to notice that my office had moved, now it was on the coffee table and all over the beautiful, peaceful green couch. Appalled I cleared it off, placed all the paper under the coffee table and every few nights shut off the laptop and put it under the coffee table too.
At 3AM on Tuesday night or rather Wednesday morning, to be correct, I realized I had completely violated my peaceful, calm, indulgent space. I had in essence crapped all over it and taken away it's positive power. In realizing this I began to retrace my steps and saw the effect this had rippled into the delicate balance of my life. When the tether to the desk was broken with the arrival of the new laptop all my boundaries around work hours were blown out of the water. I worked later and hit the red wine harder.
So on Wednesday I grabbed my office and relocated it to the desk in the living room next to a not so comfy and not even close to indulgent chair. I could feel the changes begin to ripple as I cleared off all the gunk on the couch. In my mind I began to set new boundaries around my laptop and the couch. Like the delicate balance of the world it will take a little time for the positive changes to take effect but I am excited to reclaim my peace, calm and pure indulgence.
MY NEW LAPTOP ARRIVED!
My old laptop had lost it's ability to connect wirelessly. I had been patiently waiting it's arrival and eagerly sat on my peaceful, indulgent couch installing scrap booking factory deluxe, ACT and all the files on my external hard drive onto it. Day after day I sat, comfy legs outstretched on the indulgent couch. I sat on it and blogged my heart out, created flyer's to hand out at a fundraiser I was supporting, wrote speeches and answered emails. About a week ago I began to notice that my office had moved, now it was on the coffee table and all over the beautiful, peaceful green couch. Appalled I cleared it off, placed all the paper under the coffee table and every few nights shut off the laptop and put it under the coffee table too.
At 3AM on Tuesday night or rather Wednesday morning, to be correct, I realized I had completely violated my peaceful, calm, indulgent space. I had in essence crapped all over it and taken away it's positive power. In realizing this I began to retrace my steps and saw the effect this had rippled into the delicate balance of my life. When the tether to the desk was broken with the arrival of the new laptop all my boundaries around work hours were blown out of the water. I worked later and hit the red wine harder.
So on Wednesday I grabbed my office and relocated it to the desk in the living room next to a not so comfy and not even close to indulgent chair. I could feel the changes begin to ripple as I cleared off all the gunk on the couch. In my mind I began to set new boundaries around my laptop and the couch. Like the delicate balance of the world it will take a little time for the positive changes to take effect but I am excited to reclaim my peace, calm and pure indulgence.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
