Indulging in Vision

After riding a wonderful wave of indulgence...

yesterday was quite turbulent. My daughter was sent home with suspected pink eye and my whole work day had to be switched around. I already had a doctors appointment and so after picking her up needed to go to that before we could deal with her pink eye. She was happily chattering in the back seat and singing happy birthday to me until she realized we were going to my Dr. Trying to get her doctors visit in motion I pulled over and dug into my purse looking for my husbands cell to get the Dr's number to make an appointment and my glasses. My blood pressure began rising, I couldn't find his number, I couldn't see anything on the phone as I scrolled through the phone log to try to find his number while at the same time Sofie snapped and started screaming I want to go to my Dr. first. Ahhhhhh.

After several more moments like that and several hours of driving around we arrived home and I handed over my parenting responsibility to Kirk. Sofie did not have pink eye.

The day had been like waves of frustration pounding on my and retreating and I had not had a day like that in a very long time. I was however amazed at my impulses at the end of the day. My old self would have reached for the glass of wine while I hung up my keys but although the thought entered my head it was quickly rejected almost like a bad taste in my mouth. Instead I embraced sustenance, I get cranky when I'm hungry, and then eagerly headed downstairs to listen to a pod-cast. Beginning to feel renewed I climbed the stairs and kissed Sofie good night and headed out to the drug store to pick up my prescription. I am much more proactive now. This has been a shift I began noticing a few months ago. I stopped operating as if someone would take care of it (my mother, Kirk) - the dirty dish I put down, filling the gas tank etc and it seems with renewed energy I began handling things then and there and they happened.

In the past after drinking a few glasses of wine I would have persuaded Kirk to go pick up my prescription while I "relaxed" and drank some more wine after a tough day. Instead I was in the car on my way to the drug store and actually energized, relaxed and dare I say looking forward to it. Right before I made the left turn towards the store I realized I was approaching a trip to the drug store as... an indulgence.

I parked in a far corner of the parking lot and enjoyed each luxurious step as I felt the ground beneath my feet, massaging my soul. As the doors automatically parted for me like the red sea I pondered the possibilities excitedly. While picking up my prescription I noticed one of those magnifying glasses with a led light, ummm vanity or functionality? Functionality won out and then as I waited for the pharmacist I stepped over to the reading glass rack and purposefully grabbed a three pack of the strength above the ones I usually wear. Meeting the pharmacist back at the register I added the glasses to my purchases and while she was ringing them up she uttered the wonderful words, grab another pack, the glasses are two for one. I did not need to be told twice. An assorted pack of herbal tea and some b-complex later I was home. I had happily distributed the glasses all over my life. I wonder if like the six phones we own they will all end up at Mecca on my desk. But for right now I can see. I could see to program Kirk's number in my phone and to make it one touch dialing. Now after I print a copy of all my phone numbers and put them in the car and added all our doctors numbers I will feel complete.

Building a reserve is a wonderful way to feel in control and to eliminate the feeling of scarcity that can send us in a downward spiral. I am amazed that after only seven days of indulgence my medicine of choice has shifted. Wow. The learning and the journey continue.